dude i'm inner monologue high
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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