If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
