Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
