Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
