I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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