saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
