ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so let's talk penis.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
