i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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