The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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