She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
