I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
