he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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