i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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