and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
