Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
