I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We got so high we made milksteak
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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