Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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