My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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