You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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