yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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