it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
