Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
