trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
