i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
