i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
