I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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