He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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