The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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