Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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