Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
