Your tits are I can't wait for
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
