now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your cock deserves a montage
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize