So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
