I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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