Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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