Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
