And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
