Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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