On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
