You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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