peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just gift wrapped bread.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
