she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
