you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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