This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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