jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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