I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize