I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think people are normalizing furries
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
