I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
