watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You can't just leave with hair like that
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize