Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
