you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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