he told me I talked like a deaf person
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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