Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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