Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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