i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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