He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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