do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
