Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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