I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
