You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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