Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
