Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
