Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
