i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
