My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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