I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
