um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Someone signed my nipple.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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