Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize